wow.

so i went to work today. woot.got paid. more woots. lol.this is gonna be a big one, mainly because im at home with nothing to do while the family's at the trailer and the boyfriend *blushes* is at the movies with his boyfriend lol. andddddd because the rest of the people i talk to are partying or at prom. cries.so jesse finally asked me out. aww.i know, we were basically going out this whole time but im gay like this and i need to be asked lol. i feel like a complete idiot tho. i feel like i made him ask me. okay i dont. lol. only because im so happy that he asked me. danielle, remember. dont over do it. youll kill it. dont want that. :)i know what to do and what not to.so im kinda scared of this kid brandon that jesse hangs out with. im serious kids. the guys constantly molesting my poor super hero lol. its hilarious because jesses so cool about it <3 but my god, kid stop. im definately not jealous. theres a first, but the kid did say hes bisexual. does he really want jesse. hmm? who the fuck knows lol.jesse cut his hair. k he trimmed it. it looks better. he went in asking the girl to take 2 inches off everywhere and she did some texturing and thinning and its the same effing length lol. this made danielle happy and jesse not so happy lol. he hates it. i was afraid that hed hate it because if it bugs him too much, he'll shave it. danielle no want that. :S.ill kill you. lol. so at work today i got to do this poker themed father day display. it was fun :). made me smile because i thought of jesse. i can picture me 10 years from now. basically. poker = jesse. :). lol.anyways lol, me and liz were supposed to do the display. after all we did start doing it at 10 am. then at about 3 pm, after it died down a bit i went to her and asked her if she wanted to start it after she was done her lunch. she said yes. cool. i thought id let the other associate in my department that i would be gone to do a poker display. he somehow thought i was asking him to help me. liz was pissed. she basically got cut out of the whole thing. donatos a fucker. bastard. im a nice person, sometimes too nice. i guess it bothered me that he basically just took the fun from us. me and liz are great together. dont get me wrong. donatos cool too but what he did wasnt. ugh. gay men. lol.i was pleased with the display. "danielle, dont use the dealer shoe.""danielle, dont use those glasses""danielle you shouldnt put that many chips on the table"listen donato, the display looks good and even jillian the bitch approved, so fuck you :).----totally off topic.im not going to use names for this topic. for some bizarre reason i just have so much respect for you that should have been gone a long time ago. for sure.so i go to this persons house and theyve been having problems with their 13 year old daughter.the whole, oh you arent allowed to see boys and dont lie to me.shes going to see boys with or without your permission. if she cant tell you then shes going to lie to you. guess you like lies.whatever.so this person has been spying on their daughter, well kinda. reading msn chat logs and checking the phones and whatever. this is fine. what you do with your kid is your business.this person tells their kid off about having a boyfriend and then looks at me and says. "oh nice conversations with jesse and matt"i was disgusted.k im sorry but dont ever read my shit again. if that means me never going on your computer because you cant keep your eyes off it then so be it.like come on. im 18, you dont fucking read my shit. thats just ignorant.spy on your kid all you want. lose their trust, raise them how you like. dont get into my space. thats just gross.i understand that the way that msn saves chat logs are weird and that they arent organized or whatever. and that may have been the reason that you read it and i guess thats a little okay but then dont tell me off about it. like come on. fuck. i was soooo pissed about this. its just gross. i would never do that to you, therefore dont do it to me. ugh.

UsualT...

UsualTime = 10.01 pmName = DanielleTattoos = star and three little symbols on my forearmPiercings = nose and labretHeight= 5'2.Shoe size = 8.5 Hair color = natural brown, dyed red/blackEye color = hazelishSiblings = three sisters, one brother.Status = seeing jesse.
Last:Movie you rented = viva la bam. well jesse rented it.Movie you last bought = i dont buy movies.CD you bought/burned = i havent burned nor bought a cd in a while.Song you listened to = Hedley stuff.T.V. show you've watched = Veronica Mars. good show.thing you bought = uhmm, cant remember.
Do:You wish you could live somewhere else? = uhmm sometimes yes.Others find you attractive = jesse does. :)You want more piercings = sure do.You like cleaning = hell freaking no.You like roller coasters = i hate them.You write cursive or print = printLong distance relationships = uhmm yes, because that question made so much sense.Teenage smoking = hate it.Driving drunk = just stupid.Ever cried over a girl = i haveEver cried over a boy = i haveEver lied to someone = i haveEver been arrested = i have not.
What:Shampoo do you use = whatevers there, thats when i wash my hair lol.Shoes do you wear = consAre you scared of = mice and feet.
Number:Of hearts I have broken? = i dont know. i dont think someone has cared enough about me for me to break their heart.Of people I could trust with my life = Right now, 3Of scars on my body? = At least 3
Do you think you are:Funny = I like to think so.Lovable = I like to think so.Caring = Definitly.Dorky = Definitly.
Favorite:4 letter word: cockActor/Actress: Angelina Jolie, Jude Law, Hayden ChristensenColor(s): Green
Person who last:Slept in your bed: JesseSaw you cry: JesseYelled at you: My mom. Go figure.
Have you ever:Said "I love you"= YepKept a secret from everyone = YesCried during a movie= YesPlanned your week based on the TV Guide: Who does that, seriously?Wished you were the opposite sex?: All the time.What time is it now?: 10.11pm
Choose:Apples or bananas?: both. fruit is orgasmic.Blue or red?: blue probably.Walmart or target?: walmart. Spring or Fall?: springWhat are you gonna do after you finish this?: nothing. maybe go photoshopping.
Last:Noise you heard?: Christina Aguileras voice :)Smell you sniffed?: Olay Moisture Rinse In Shower Body Lotion.Time you went out of state (province)?: Uhmm grade 8. Quebec.
Friendship/Love:Do you believe in love at first sight?: Not sure.Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: Maybe. Most important thing to you in a friendship is?: Honesty and Trust.
Other Info:Criminal record?: NopeDo you speak any other languages?: NopeLast book you read: Lisa Gardner.Who you love: my mom, winner, my nieces, my nephew, my friends, and him.How old do you act?: my age?Pets: BooBoo. that bastard lol.What makes you happy?: Being with Jesse. :)
Have You Ever:Thought you were going to die: Yes Wanted to Run away: YesFlunked a grade: YesRan away: NoSkipped a grade: NoGotten drunk: YesBeen in jail: No, well i went with brownies once but i was never there because i committed a crime.Contacted the police: NopeBeen in love: YesBeen in lust: YesSmoked: cigarettes?: Once Drank: YesBeen suspended: No Stolen Anything: YesCheated On A Test: YesBeen In The Hospital: YesLet a friend cry on your shoulder: Yes Fell asleep in the bath: NoGone to Church: YesNever slept during the night: Yes Didn't wash your hair for a week: YesBeen in a earthquake: NoBeen in a tornado: NoKnew you were in love: Yes Streaked in the streets: NoScreamed at someone you love: YesBeen attacked: NoStayed on the phone for over 3 hours: YepWhat time is it now: 10.18pm

Th...

The past week. Wow.It was so fun, I dont know if it was smart but it was soo much fun.I say that because I fear that maybe it was way too much for him.I got back from the trailer on monday and went to see Jesse.I didnt end up leaving at all.Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.Then we go to the trailer.So Ive been with Jesse for 5 days straight.Saturday, Sunday.7 days.I thought it was awesome.I guess Im just a little scared.I think Im rushing into this and that scares me.Only because I dont want to scare him away.Ive decided Im going to back off a bit.I still want to see him all the time but I realize I cant do that. lol.If he wants to see me he will invite me out there. I dont even know if Im ready for a serious relationship to be honest and I realized that last night. Im pretty sure that Im over Matt, but it was hurtful, obviously. So like I said before, Ill back off a bit. Take it as it comes. Sound like a plan. What me and Jesse have is awesome. I love it.Maybe Im just super emotional thanks to that time of the month.So if this is what our relationship is going to be like for a while, Im all in.I dont want to lose what we have by trying to make it more. I tried to sleep last night, but I think way too much. So I just thought and thought and thought. Repeat.So I guess Im kind of in a bit of trouble with myself.My feelings are getting pretty strong for him and theres no way I can stop it. I know he feels the same way about me as well. So I just want to take it one day at a time. I think its healthier for me anyways.Maybe for both of us.+++So anyways at the trailer :).We get up there and basically dick around for a while.We hang out with Kayla, Brittany for a while.Then Jessica comes with Cassandra, Jessica, and James. (Niece, niece, nephew)Jessica and James fall in love with Jesse and dont leave. At all. lol.So Jesse and I play with the kids for a while. Fun.Then we basically check to see if Zack is up yet. (Jesse's cousin)He comes up and hangs out with us.More hanging.Bed time.Then Saturday, we basically do the same thing lol.Except we play poker. :)Jesse, Winner, Zack Brittany, Cassy, Jessica, James and I.I bet you cant say that youve played poker with an 8 and 5 year old. Fun.And I bet you cant say that you have played poker using rocks as chips. Thats right bitches.So much fun :).We play poker for hours lol. Really.Then Jesse and I go fishing with Jesses Uncle Pete.Ive never been fishing before, in my life. I kicked ass though.I caught 2 fish. Yep 2. Back to back.I dont remember the names of them and they were pretty small but I still caught them right. :DI felt sorry for them :(. I hurt them. I think Pete lied to me and said that it doesnt hurt them because I looked so sad lol. I hate worms though. Pete asked me to put a worm on the hook and I wanted to do it because I like to try everything at least once right. I touched the worm and my stomache just curled. It was disgusting lol. Couldnt do it.Anyways we get back from fishing and we are told that the LCBO was closed. No alcohol = Danielle sad.Oh well. Me and Jesse go to my Uncle Walts fire for a few minutes and then head up to the dance.FUN. FUN. FUN.Lets just say Jesse was a little suprise.Hes asked me to dance before. Like randomly everywhere right. And I always say I cant dance. lol. Because Im afraid that hes going to think that Im retarded haha.Anyways, I get to the dance and he realizes that I can dance and hes like PFFT. lol. It was cute. This little girl, Jessica, well she isnt that little, like 13. Anyways, she kept telling me that I was sooo good and whatever lol. "I want to be like you, you can dance sooo good." She was cute. I heart her.Jesses a pretty cute dancer too :).We danced.Then we went outside and did cartwheels up the hill. Not easy lol.Then we danced some more. Fun.Dance ends.Me and Jesse are abadonned at the Chip Truck because all the kids had to be home lol.We go to the lake and chill there for a bit.Emotional. Ack. I broke. It was terrible.I start getting cold and we head back to the trailer. We go to my Uncle Freds fire.Alice (family friend) interogates Jesse. I realize hes uncomfortable and we leave.Danielle goes to sleep. Shes dead from dancing lol.Unfortunately Jesse doesnt get to sleep until 5 am or something.That kids sleeping problems make me sad :(.Sunday.We wake up, have burgers for breakfast. Eww eh. lol.Well they tasted good lol.Then at about 1pm we leave to go home because my cousin was having a housewarming and everyone had to be there for 3.We get to Oshawa and I started feeling a bit sick. I dont know what happened. It was probably where I slept in the car. I hate cars. Motionsickness. :S.So I take a gravol and I guess I got retarded because I had called work and realized that I didnt have to work until Friday. So retarded ol' me. Lets stay in Oshawa. Didnt happen.I went home. Smart. And ya. that was it.Jesse if you are reading this, I will one day KICK YOUR MOTHER FUCKING ASS IN POKER. One day. lol. <3 you.<3<3<3+++

surveys are fun.

You are...(looks)[ ] tall[] in between[x] short[] blonde [] redheaded[x] brunette[] black-haired[] blue-eyed[] brown-eyed[] green-eyed [x] hazel eyed[] gold eyed[] grey eyed[] with glasses[] with contacts[] with braces [x] with freckles[x] with piercings [x] with tattoos[] and have long hair[] and have short hair [x] and have mid-length hair
Your nationality includes...[] chinese[] indian[] taiwanese[] japanese[] hispanic[] nicoya[] puerto rican[] chicana[] italian[x] scottish[] filipino[] dutch[] french[] german[x] irish[] greek[] portuguese[] polish[] korean[] jamacian[x] canadian[] lithuanian[] native american[] russian[] british[] danish[] african[] scandanavian[] armenian[] finnish[] mexican [] other
Your favorite color(s) are?[] red[] pink[] yellow[x] black[x] green [] blue [] white[] silver[] purple[] brown[] orange
Some things you've done/played include...[x] soccer[]cheerleading[x] dancing[] lacrosse[] field hockey[x] hockey[] football[x] softball[] wrestling[x] gymnastics[x] track/cross country[x] basketball[x] baseball[] golf[] playing in the mud (mud wrestling.... .. .. .... )[x] playing music[] hiking[] kayaking[x] camping[] horseback riding[] marching band[x] good ole' fashion sex
You are sometimes...[x] annoying[x] talkative[x] shy[x] funny[x] serious[x] bubbly[x] spazzy[x] fun-loving[x] laid back[x] strict[x] hyper[x] weird
The music you like is?[] rap[x] rock[x] pop[x] country[] hip hop[] r&b[] slow jams[] Christian[] classical[x] techno[x] oldies[x] the 80s[] punk[] Metal[] reggae[] Goth[] Latin[] 90's Grunge[] musicalsThe pets you have/had are?[x] cat[] dog[] lizard[] rat *eww dirt*[] ferret[x] rabbit[x] fish[] bird[] other
Clothes you like to wear are?[x] plain t shirts[x] sweatshirts[x] stockings[] high heels[] boots[x] sneakers[x] jeans[x] pj pants[] boxers[x] underwear[] dresses[x] mini skirts[] long skirts[] watches[x] necklace[] hoop earrings[] toe socks[] flats[x] halter tops[] stilletos[x] band shirts[] shorts[x] sleeveless shirts
How do you like to wear your hair?[x] down[] ponytail[x] pigtails[] messy bun[] half ponytail[x] scrunched/curly[] bun[] crimped[] with a bandana [] French braids[] lots of little braids[] Gel[x] hat[x] messy hair[x] sex hair *obviously*[] fauxhawk
You're mostly labeled as?[] goth[] emo[] prep[] punk[] scene[] nerd[x] ditzy[x] hyper[x] happy[x] everything[x] I hate labels! I'm just me!!! [x] I have no idea
You eat?[] dessert every night[] no meat - well no red meat.[] diet stuff[x] healthy foods[x] junk foods[] a lot of carbs[] lots of meat[x] salad[] seafood[] Mountain Dew *you can eat mountain dew? hmm*
A typical friday night ........[] (mall) with your friends[] partying[] watching movies[] going to the club[x] staying home[] babysitting and getting $$[x] hanging out w/ my friends[x] hanging out w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend [x] working while your friends are out having fun
Currently you are...[] in a relationship[] single and lovin it [] crushing[] single and looking for someone[] just broke up[] single[x] seeing jesse. *i love it* :P
Online, you use:[x] lol [] sup[] =D[x] lmao[] stfu [] ty[x] j/k[x] ttyl[x] g2g[] ^^[] T_T[] x_x[] ^_^
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:1. Danni2. Ielle3. FattyTHREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:1. Danni. 2. i need you to need me the way i need you.3. Danni. *insert song lyrics here*THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. Hair2. Me with makeup.3. From my neck to my boobs. that area. dont ask lol.THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. Feet.2. Tummy.3. Hair.THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1. Feet.2. Mice.3. Worms.THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Makeup2. Music3. MSNTHREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:1. Red tank top.2. PJs3. Bracelets. thats all im wearing. :STHREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:1. Taking Back Sunday2. Christina Aguilera *forever*3. Hedley because they make me orgasm.THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:1. Hedley - Gunnin2. The Spill Canvas - All Hail The Heartbreaker3. TBS - Cute Without the E *acoustic*THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:1. Someone I can have fun with.2. Someone who can make me smile.3. Someone who cares about me. Basically. Jesse.THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:1. Eyes2. Hair3. LipsTHREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Makeup2. Photoshopping3. MsnTHREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:1. I want money.2. I want a visa card.3. I want to do Jesse. :DTHREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:1. Couldnt tell you2. ^^3. ^^THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO:1. Ireland2. Jesses3. Prom.THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE: 1. Caidence Elizabeth2. Caleb Parker3. I only want two kids, if any and they will be a boy and girl so ya. lol.THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:1. Go to Newfoundland and Ireland.2. Graduate high school.3. Have a career.4. And im cheating. GO TO A PROM.THREE CELEB CRUSHES:1. CHRISTINA AGUILERA2. ANGELINA JOLIE3. JUDE LAW4. HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN *oh right, 3. whoops*

I just spent t...

I just spent the last 15 minutes writing a huge post, just to realize at the end I dont want anyone to know what Im feeling. Weird eh. Someone shoot me.
</3

I just spent t...

I just spent the last 15 minutes writing a huge post, just to realize at the end I dont want anyone to know what Im feeling. Weird eh. Someone shoot me.
</3

i ♥ ...

i ♥ himi ♥ himi ♥ him

Wow, havent upda...

Wow, havent updated in sooo long.So i went to the trailer on sunday night with my mom. played hookie at work and went up. sooo much fun. :D :D. go to dance, get drunk, dance with hot girls, go home. sleep. FUN.monday i come to oshawa because it was the only way i had of getting home from the trailer. come with stella. deal.so i find out im not going home on monday.so i get to oshawa and call jesse, just in time, he was getting ready for work. woot.i love it.ack my legs are sore. looks around*so yep, i go with jesse and brandon. note: that boy drives me nuts.i feel sorry for him but come on, any boy who can look me in the face and tell me that he would kick me in the face definitly has some issues. anyone agree?so anyways. he calls me a bitch and whatever and ya. i get fed up lol. i wont take that shit. bullshit.anyways, who gives a fuck lol. jesse told him off. so i work with jesse and brandon for 2 days. work = some money. woot. i missed work at my actual job. not cool. missed out on almost 70 bucks :(meh, ill get over it. so ya ive been in oshawa all week lol. jesse, jesse, and you guessed it, more jesse lol. i love it.so i booked this weekend off work and whatever, go to the trailer. i had asked jesse to come but he said he had some prom bs thing. *jealous* he tells me this morning that hes not going to the prom thing and that he wants to go to the trailer with me. deal.i call my mom, she acts like a cunt and then i tell her off and she finally says he can come. why must you be such a bitch ALL the time. like come on.so ive stayed at jesses house for 4 nights. and hes coming to the trailer. kinda gross lmao.whateverrrrr.k fuck off. ill tell y0u tards how the trailer went on sunday. deal?k bye.

another effing quizzer

What is your name? Danielle HodderWhen is your Birthday? January 13, 1987Where were you born? TorontoWhere do you live now? TorontoWhat color eyes do you have? Green, Yellow, Brown. whatever those colours make. :DWhat color hair do you have? Red/Black.How tall are you? 5'2How much do you weigh? uhmm iunno. i feel skinnier but last time i checked i was 154What is your race? Canadian. Irish, English, Native.What is your worst fear? Feet and mice.Do you smoke? hells no. i might as well tho. jesus jesse. youre killing me.Do you drink? sometimes yes.Do you cuss? why would you fucking ask me if i god damn cuss, obviously not.Do you use drugs? nope.Have you ever or will you ever steal? I stole from walmart :DAre you dependable and/or trustworthy? i like to think so.Do you play in a band or play an instrument? I suck at everything, i want to learn drums :(.Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings? Yes, Labret and nose. Two tats, star/heart/music note. and star.If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be? thats a fucking messed up question.Do you suffer from depression disorder? used to. depression is gay ass.If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be? DEATH BY SEX! <-- i like it.Have you ever tried to commit suicide? No, ive thought about it. suicide is gay ass. Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else? i have but you guessed it, its gay ass. What subculture do you belong too? I dont know.Are you evil? Sometimes.Do you believe that you can be possesed? Maybe. Are you a paranoid person? Sometimes.Do you ever get jealous of somebody else? I am the most fucking jealous person in the world. its so gay ass.Are you obsessive and/or compulsive? Not really.Are you a violent person? Uhmm sometimes, i dont like to though.Do you take your anger out on other people? No. Just not me.Do you blame other people for your mistakes? Nope. Everything happens for a reason right?What is your favorite game? I dont effing know.What is your favorite movie? Hmm. The Ring i spose.Who is your favorite band? Taking Back Sunday, The Used, System *Ive listened to them for 3 days straight, i like em*What is your favorite song? Cute without the E.. TBS <-- acoustic :)What kind of books and/or magazines do you read? Uhmm crime for sure.What is your favorite color? GreenWhat is your favorite food? Uh, i dont know.What is your favorite drink? WaterDo you own a pair of converse? I sure do. RED ONES :DDo you own a pair of dickies? Cant say i do :(Would you ever kill yourself or someone else? Definitly not.Are you a virgin? Hells no.Are you kinky? A bit.Do you like biting? I do.Do you masturbate? Not so much any more.Do you watch pornography? Used to when we had satellite.Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color? Not really.Have you ever shaved your head in a socially unacceptable way? lol noAre you hyper active person? I have my moments.Are you religious? Nope.Do you have any self inflicted scars? No.Does pain turn you on? not really.Do you stand for originality and creativity? sure, why the hell not.Do you like meeting new people? i love it actually :DWhat do you like most about life? my friends. being able to do what i want when i want.What do you dislike most about life? work for sure.Do you believe in love at first fright? Gay. Have you ever pierced a body part yourself? My ear. then it started bleeding and i freaked out.Have you ever had to beg for dinner money? nope. my mom would never let me lol/Do you own a car? TTC <3 <-- im with ya.Have you been to jail, yet? noAre your clothes held together with safety pins? Uhmm nope.Do you have actual scars from punk rock shows? no i dont. i thought i broke my jaw once.Have you ever vomit while making out? Uhmm no. ive had someone burp in my mouth tho :sHave you held a job for less than a day? NopersDo you own more than two pair of jeans? noHave you ever had to fuck stuff up for no good reason? noHave you ever been kicked out of your parents house? noHave you ever been fired from your job because of your attitude? noDoes the world piss you off? Not the world, the people in it, yes :D <- well said

Me.

I thought this was cute.
A - Age you got your first kiss: 11, i started young, what can i say?B - Band listening to right now: Taking Back Sunday.C - Crush: Jesse James.D - Dad's name: Bramwell.E - Easiest person's to talk to: jesse for sure.F - Favorite bands at the moment: Taking Back Sunday.G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? worms for sure.H - Hometown: Scarborough. Brap brap.I - Instruments: Clarify. If you are asking which is my favourite, id have to say drums.J- Junior High: Uhm, catholic school doesnt work that way. Grade 7 - St Boniface. Grade 8 - St Nicholas. K - Kids: Probably. Not anytime in the near future though.L - Longest car ride ever: From Ontario to Quebec. Argh. I slept on the way back so I dont remember that one much.M - Mom's name: Rhoda.N - Nicknames: DD, Dani, Ielle, Dani-D, Danieller.O - One wish: To be happy with myself and with someone I love.P - Phobia[s]: Mice and Feet. Q - Quote: Not sure.R - Reason to smile: Jesse.S- Last song you heard: Hedley - Id Hear Heaven.T - Time you woke up: 9. Argh. I can sleep in tomorrow though. Excited.U - Unknown fact about me: Im pretty open. If you dont know something and you are curious use that pretty little mouth of yours and just ask. :DV - Vegetable you hate: Peas. Why does everyone hate brocoli? I think you guys are gay.W - Worst habit(s): nail-biting. for sure.Y - Yummy food: Salads :DZ - Zodiac sign: Capricorn.
Now you can do it and post on this thread or post on your own LJ. Ill watch for you. I promise. <3

highlight the ones that apply to you.

highlight the ones that apply to you.
smoked a cigarettesmoked a cigarmade out with a member of the same sexcrashed a friend's carstolen a carbeen in love <3been dumpedshopliftedbeen firedbeen in a fist fightsnuck out of my parent's househad feelings for someone who didnt have them backbeen arrestedmade out with a strangergone on a blind datelied to a friendhad a crush on a teacherbeen to Europeskipped schoolslept with a co-workerseen someone diehad a crush on one of your LJ friendsbeen to Canada been to Mexicobeen on a planethrown up in a barpurposely set a part of myself on fireeaten Sushibeen snowboardingmet someone in person from LJbeen moshing at a concertbeen in an abusive relationshiptaken painkillerslove someone or miss someone right now<3laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go bymade a snow angelhad a tea partyflown a kitebuilt a sand castlegone puddle jumpingplayed dress upjumped into a pile of leavesgone sleddingcheated while playing a gamebeen lonelyfallen asleep at work/schoolused a fake idwatched the sunsetfelt an earthquaketouched a snakeslept beneath the starsbeen tickledbeen robbedbeen misunderstoodpetted a reindeer/goatwon a contestrun a red lightbeen suspended from schoolbeen in a car accidenthad bracesfelt like an outcasteaten a whole pint of ice cream in one nighthad deja vudanced in the moonlight <3 with jesse.hated the way you lookwitnessed a crimepole dancedquestioned your heartbeen obsessed with post-it notessquished barefoot through the mudbeen lostbeen to the opposite side of the countryswam in the oceanfelt like dyingcried yourself to sleepplayed cops and robbersrecently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markerssung karaokepaid for a meal with only coinsdone something you told yourself you wouldn'tmade prank phone callslaughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nosecaught a snowflake on your tonguedanced in the rainwritten a letter to Santa Clausbeen kissed under a mistletoewatched the sun rise with someone you care aboutblown bubblesmade a bonfire on the beachcrashed a partygone rollerskatinghad a wish come truehumped a monkeyworn pearlsjumped off a bridgescreamed penis in classate dog/cat foodtold a complete stranger you loved themkissed a mirrorsang in the showerhave a little black dressglued your hand to somethinggot your tongue stuck to a flag polekissed a fishworn the opposite sex's clothesbeen a cheerleadersat on a roof topscreamed at the top of your lungsdone a one-handed cartwheeltalked on the phone for more than 6 hoursstayed up all nightdidn't take a shower for a weekpick and ate an apple right off the treeclimbed a treehad a tree houseare scared to watch scary moviesbelieve in ghostshave more than 30 pairs of shoesworn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others saygone streakingplayed ding-dong-ditchplayed chickenbeen pushed into a pool with all your clothes onbeen told you're hot by a complete strangerbroken a bonebeen easily amusedcaught a fish then ate itmade porncaught a butterflylaughed so hard you criedcried so hard you laughedmooned/flashed someonehad someone moon/flash youcheated on a testhave a Britney Spears CDforgotten someone’s nameslept nakedFrench braided someone’s hairgone skinny dipping in a pool been threatened to be kicked out of your housebeen kicked out your house

I like these things. :)

name: danielleborn: january 13. lives: scarborough.looks forward to: seeing jesse. goes to bed at: pfft. who needs a bed time.wakes up at: whenever i have to/want to.likes: jesse.remembers: not too much lol.wants to forget: the pain you caused me.wants to remember: the happiness you brought to my life.hates: well i dont hate anyone but i dislike: matthew hayes, muchly.band currently in love with: taking back sunday.band that you've had enough of: hmm. good charlotte.favourite day of the week: whenever im not working.favourite past time: photoshopping.funniest song you heard so far: ill have to agree with this kid. Piece of shit car - Sandler.regrets: nothing.missing: jesse.was this a waste of time: nope.

Excited, maybe. lol.

Thursday. Bah. I hate being at home. I actually miss being at work when Im this bored lol. I wish I lived in Oshawa or anywhere other than here for that matter. I need a new keyboard because this ones going out the window in 24 hours. Deal? So lets all hope and pray for Danielle that this weekend isnt going to be absolute shit. I SAID PRAY GODDAMMIT! As of right now it doesnt look too good. Im hoping Jesse is feeling better. Not being Im selfish lol, but because hes sick and I dont like that. Note to Jesse: Quit smoking and get help for your sleeping nastiness. :(. So if all goes well I will be seeing Jesse sometime today. Hopefully. He will come here and stay the night (haha mom, you are too funny.) and then hang with me tomorrow and then go and see his "boiz". I called my mom funny because she threatened like a week ago that he was to never stay at my house right. Whether she was here or not. lol. Oh god I love that woman. What would I do without you. Last night.Me- "mom jesses coming to scarborough for the weekend, he wants to come and see me tomorrow night. Can he stay here."Mom - *insert evil look here* "he can not come here unless the house is emaculate." me- "so he can stay"mom- "yes, get cleaning" Oh mom you are my favourite :).So as I was saying, Jesse will leave friday, then Im hoping that maybe I can go to Andies or something. Maybe they can come here. I dont know. I just cant be in the house by myself forever. Saturday will be fine because I work 2-10 and then I come home. Probably go on msn, until I fall asleep.Now Sunday Im going to have to leave work early. I was supposed to work 11-630 or something right. But my family is coming to go to my nannies grave. She died last year on the 22nd of May. :(. So I wanna go see her too. :(.So If that happens and work allows me to depart early. LMAO. Right. Ill leave anyways haha. Then Ill be heading up to good old DUCK LAKE. There I will see Amanda and Jon and Amanda #2. Havent met her but shall be fun. Then Monday I will come home to hell once again. Whos excited for me? lol.K dont all raise your hands at once. God. K Fuck off. lol. BYe.

Read me and you will be healed.

A freaking 12 Guage what do you think?TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:Danielle Birthday:January 13,1987Birthplace:Scarborough Current Location:Scarborough Bitches.Eye Color:Hazelish. Green/Brown/YellowishHair Color:Redish at the moment.Height:Do I have to answer this? 5'2 =(Right Handed or Left Handed:Righty :)Your Heritage:Uhmm Newfie. Further back. Native/IrishThe Shoes You Wore Today:Cons, Obviously.Your Weakness:Hmm. this is good. too bad im not answering.Your Fears:Mice.Your Perfect Pizza:Green peppers, Mushrooms, Cheese.Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Become a stronger person, emotionally. Lose weight.Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:Obviously. <3. You love it. Deal.Thoughts First Waking Up:Omg. 4 hours sleep is def not enough.Your Best Physical Feature:Ugh. :S. My finger nail :)Your Bedtime:Lately. Pft.Your Most Missed Memory:Being a kid and not caring about anything. Good times.Pepsi or Coke:WATER BITCHES!MacDonalds or Burger King:FRUIT SALAD.Single or Group Dates:I like both.Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Nestea :)Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate.Cappuccino or Coffee:Neither.Do you Smoke:NopeDo you Swear:Like a mother fucker.Do you Sing:Well you need to elaborate. anyone can sing. it just depends on if they sound good when they sing or not.Do you Shower Daily:Hell No.Have you Been in Love:Sure have.Do you want to go to College:Lets get high school outta the way first. Deal?Do you want to get Married:I dont know. Im 18. Not thinking about that yet.Do you belive in yourself:I do.Do you get Motion Sickness:Argh, I do. Well did. Used to. Damn ride to the trailer.Do you think you are Attractive:I think I can be.Are you a Health Freak:Not really. Do you get along with your Parents:Uhmm most of the time with my dad. moms a diff story.Do you like Thunderstorms:Theyre pretty.Do you play an Instrument:Uhmm. NOPE!In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:If I drank at Jesses in the last month then yes. If its been over a month then no.In the past month have you Smoked:I feel like I have. Second hand smoke = not cool. Being in a car with no windows down and three people smoking not cool either. :)In the past month have you been on Drugs:Nope.In the past month have you gone on a Date:Ill call going to jesses dates :) so yes.In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Uhm yep. Not that I have any money to buy anything:(In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:not a box. eww. I tried the new vanilla ones tho. I def. recommend them.In the past month have you eaten Sushi:EWWW GOD NO. SUSHI IS DIRT.In the past month have you been on Stage:nope.In the past month have you been Dumped:uhm. nope that was about 2 months ago :)In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:cant say i have.In the past month have you Stolen Anything:nope.Ever been Drunk:Ever? Yep.Ever been called a Tease:Hell ya. Sorry Matt :P Dork.Ever been Beaten up:well ive got some good punches and paintballing was painful but i never got beaten up. cant say the same for rayons brother. poor kid.Ever Shoplifted:uhmm a cool green bracelet from walmart:)How do you want to Die:painless.What do you want to be when you Grow Up:not sure. ill get back to you.What country would you most like to Visit:ireland "probably". (just for you jesse) lol.In a Boy/Girl..Favourite Eye Color:used to LOVE blue. but jesse has the prettiest brown eyes ive ever seen.Favourite Hair Color:dark. anything dark :)Short or Long Hair:LONGHeight:taller than me. get growing kids. im a tall mother fucker :)Weight:couldnt give a flying fuck.Best Clothing Style:uhmm. refer to last answer.Number of Drugs I have taken:uhmm prescription. 4. non prescription. 1.Number of CDs I own:iunno 20?Number of Piercings:ears, labret, nose.Number of Tattoos:2.Number of things in my Past I Regret:NOT A DAMN THING. everything happens for a reason :)CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Hey bitches.To...

Hey bitches.Today is Saturday.Im sitting at home updating lj and photoshopping. fun.K i lied lol, what kinda life do i lead. Save me.Well, Im about to head out to Oshawa in a couple hours.Kaylas getting confirmed, Im not at all religious.To be honest, its just an event where i get to look pretty and be hot. Ya go me. Whatever.Im hoping I can see Jesse.If i dont itll be cool but ya know. :P.Well I got Kayla two pretty MAC eyeshadows. Electric Eel and Orange. I want the orange one, so i plan on using that at least once lol.35 effing dollars. Ouch. lol. Youre worth it Wayla. :Dk ill post after the confirmation and let you know how it goes.Bye.<3

Some believe they mean the world to me. others dont realize how much they mean to me.

Trust me, it wont be that difficult. I wont let myself believe that this is my fault because I know the difference.This really isnt anyones fault. So whatever.Like you said, you are out of my life now. Nice knowing you. Pft.So last night I got quite upset with just everything.Id like to blame it on the unbelievable amount of medication I am on right now.Doc tripled my dose. Its too much.Mom doesnt want me to stop taking them but she doesnt realize what its doing to me.Its reallllyyyy weird. I cry now.I think its fucking with my emotions/state of mind.Because yesterday I got very irritated at the most rediculous things.Not like me.And then nina broke curfew by four hours and it just upset me because it upset my mom.Then my super hero came and saved the day like always :). <3.Its 2 oclock in the morning. Danielles crying over stupidness.Jesse comes over.Danielle sneaks out and sits on the curb for 2 hours with jesse. Hes awesomeness.Everything he said was so true.At the time I was thinking *thanks for taking everyones side*.But it was all the truth. Thanks Jesse. Your input/opinion means a lot.K im bored of this. Post later.

i dont want to make a subject.

you disgust me.yes you.you are completely unbelievable and i cant believe the person you are.i remember saying that id love you forever.you make it quite difficult.just stop."MANHORSE."if you hate me, then dont talk to me.yes i know i call you.i care about you, you were my first love.somehow you have forgotten that i was yours."MY WHORE."i know you dont read these but im sure your friend will inform you about it.the whole 'joke' at the theatres.that makes me sick.its not a fucking joke. god.whatever."CRACK WHORE." and stop calling me names.yes im a whore and a dirty slut but i dont need you to tell me that i am.it almost hurts.if i were able to look at you and see a person with feelings it would. you are heartless, therefore what you say doesnt tear me apart.im proud of myself.btw. your girlfriend is ugly. im not jealous, dont worry.she just is. :)and if i ever find out that she bashes me, shes done.

Go D...

Go Danielle for updating.Uhmm lots to say. I finally had the guts to talk to the store manager and tell him that I’m not happy. He was great about it. Thanks Jay. I told him I needed more hours and that I’m sick of feeling like they are trying to get rid of me. Well its not a feeling someone kind of sent the message that they said this to the person directly. Whatever. Apparently it never happened, was never said. Bitch. Then I told him that how much I hated Jill, although I’m sure everyone that works there knows that lol. Go me and my bitchiness. Im very proud of myself though. 2 months ago I would have never said anything, actually I didn’t get the courage until I seen my pay cheque. 100 bucks doest get me very far . Poor Danni. Oh well, 24 hours this week. If I keep it up, On average 400 dollar pay cheques. YESSSS!!!! Happy Danni. So I went to jesses last week and I’m already going back. I’m scared. Jesse says its okay, I’ve got a vagina, its not my fault. I’m just being a girl, paranoid and all. So I’m just scared that hes gonna hate me lol. Meh.So this weekend was pretty kickass. K Friday was. I met up at Kennedy station with Andie and then Mel showed up, pissed as hell because it took her 45 minutes to get there. Sucker. So we went downtown and I was a hungry mother fucker so we went to Subway. Mel was in a good mood by this time and paid for everyones food. Damn rich people lol.So then we call Danny, and spend half an hour convincing the boy to come hang out with us lol. He was tired. Lying mother fucker. He then gave in and met up with us at Much Music. Hes a cool guy. Very nice. So we go to the movie theatre. That escalator is a huge one, I love it. Its takes sooo long to get up on it. Hmm. Enough time for some hardcore Escalator sex? Anyways lol. Ill stop being a horny mother fucker and give myself time to finish this post.We went to see Amityville Horror. K dudes. I get scared so easily in movies so it doesn’t count if I get scared lol. But the fucking plot sucked ass. It was absolute shit and unbelievably predictable. They try and save themselves by going on the roof of the house. Idiots. The only part of the movie that was good was the sex scene. And this was based on a true story. Isnt that supposed to make it scarier. Ya, Uhmm. NO!Whatever so after the movies we walk around downtown and meet up with Samantha. She was weird. Cool, but weird. She was scared of getting caught because she was supposed to be at home sleeping. What is this? The 1920’s, Men cant tell you what to do anymore. Apparently her boyfriend doesn’t trust her and the fact that she has friends. Idiot. And hes ugly too lol. So we go to seven 11 and be cool there. I get two dollars worth of candies. Then I feel sick . Oh well. And then we go to tim hortons and try and be cool there. Then this guy looks in the window. Turns out its there friend John. He drives. Yay. Lol. So we are in the van and someone says something about the highway. Uhmm, where are we going lol. Bramton or somewhere far. Uhmm, its 1230. Subway stops running in two hours, how the fuck will I get home if I go out of Toronto. So the guys is like, okay heres union station, get out. Go home. Uhmm k lol. :SSo I go home. Turns out Mel was unbelievably pissed at him for making me go home alone. Aww :D.So then I go to sleep at 4 am after speaking to jesse. Makes me smile lol. Take my pills, all 5 of them. I feel like my grandmother lol. Then I have to get up at 9 am. Oh dear god. Mel and Nicole save my life by reading my msn and calling to wake me up. I would have never gotten up otherwise. Thank you kids  So I get up and go to work. Fun. I feel like shit most of the day, because im on too many pills and I haven’t worked in 2 weeks. Fun stuff. Meh. 10 hours later I get home and talk to jesseee. Yay for Danni.I take my pills at 10 because im dead tired and I need sleep. So I figure, hey ill take my pills and then go to bed by 12 because when I take the pills im not usually able to sleep for an hour or so. This should be okay. Ya, oh how wrong I was. Dear mother of god.Its not a good idea to take too many pills when youre body isn’t expecting them, *ps, I didn’t try and OD on epilepsy meds, my doc says I need more “dilantin” in my system. Doc knows best right. Ya, So im sitting down and about 5 minutes later im FUCKED UP. Im sitting still because im trying to calm myself and I get the feeling like im swaying back and forth. So this is what its like to be tripping out eh. Uhmm ive got a headache, I feel sick. I need food. Eww food sounds gross right now. :S lol. Then the worst comes. I get all depressed. Im assuming that the meds made my emotions go all fucked up as well. Whatever. I start crying. “Danielle why are you crying? Wait, im talking to myself. Omg, im going to die lol.” Jesse save me lol.Then I call my mom. She tells me to try and make myself throw up. Do people not understand how much I hate throwing up. Idiots. The good news, half an hour later it felt good lol. All the bad symptoms went away and I just felt really relaxed and happy lol. Whatever right. I go to sleep at 12ish.Gotta get up at 10 for work the next day. I get up. Eww, I don’t want to work. Must work. I go to work. Proud for me. BORING AS FUCK. Noone was coming to shop, its mothers day for Christ sake lol. Whatever. It gets busy, I get lazy, im being pulled here and there and everywhere. People don’t have manners I swear. “CANT YOU SEE IM HELPING A CUSTOMER, FUCK” Ill be with you in a minute. I hate windows. Lol. Stop moving things. I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THE STUFF TO FULFIL THE GUESTS REQUESTS IF I CANT FIND THE MERCH. FUCKKKKKKK. Lol. Idiots. We need a manifest like the furniture department has so I can find things easier lol.Ya like that’s going to happen. I come home from work, happy mother’s day mom. Here’s 30 dollars, buy cigarettes with it and Ill hate you forever. K Im done lol. I love you guys, Yay Brittneys back. Poor kid, on the plane for 20 hours . Im going to Jesses. Am I even allowed. Apparently they bitch about the fact that im there everytime I leave. Whatever. I wish people would just say shit to my face. So I can defend myself. Whats wrong with me staying at a cousins house to see a friend? I don’t see anything wrong with it. Im sure that if Kayla or Brittany wanted to stay at my house my parents would never turn them away. Makes me sad that they hate me, makes me even more sad knowing that they talk about me behind my back. Whatever. I give up. Wait I said I was done like 3 minutes ago. BYEEE.

Rant Number 29394955 lol.

This makes me sad. Ive lost Matthew completely. It hurts knowing that someone that youve cared about for so long isnt a part of your life anymore. I dont understand how he can just forget about me. But I guess thats what he needs to do. Im not angry with him, Im mainly disgusted with the person he has turned into. He can deny it to death that he hasnt changed but he has.He doesnt care to call me and see how its going. He cant be mature enought o ask what Ive been up to, probably because hes afraid that Ill tell him that Im happy and that Ive been with Jesse and whatever. I dont understand. I try so hard to make conversation with him. I ask him all the time how Maor is. Always. Tonight for example, I called him. This is a part of our conversation.Me "Hey whats up"Matt "Not much, sitting in my car" *add some immaturity here.Me "Where ya going"Matt "Out"Me "Ahh interesting, You going to see Maor"Matt "Maybe"Honestly Matthew, I couldnt care if you go see her. She is your girlfriend. Thats what boyfriend and girlfriend do remember. They see each other. They watch Family Guy and Spongebob and in between commercials they talk about work. LMAO BRITTNEY. Sorry that was mean. lol.I dont think theres been one time where Matthew asked what Ive been up to. I dont know if its that he doesnt care or its that he will here that Im doing fine. Well I really am fine. Im happy. Happier than I have been in a while.While I am it, i should probably tell someone that I dont hate them. I will refrain for saying the name because I dont want to say it. Be mad, I dont care.Dear "friend"I did wrong by turning to you, I made the mistake of thinking that I could turn to you for support. I figured that you would be a good friend. I guess I was wrong. The minute you found out that I kept one thing from you you flipped. Im sorry but I kept it from you because only three people knew. I didnt want it to be a big thing therefore I kept it to myself. I dont see why you would care anyways. Its not like I lied to you, i just kept something to myself. Sorry but I dont know if you realize this but you are lying to me as well. I asked you something that was important for me to the know the truth and you lied to me. Thank you. Next time you are going to judge me, think what you have done first.

Go Danielle and my willpower.

So, Ive been dieting, kinda sorta for a bit now. More like just watching what i eat and shit. Im going to get a little bit more strict. No more shit, no more pop. Its a bastard and i hope that Cream Soda dies and goes to fatty hell. :D. I love you Cream Soda :(. Ima miss you this much *stretches arms*. Yep, Im thinking I may even go back to the gym this week. Nothing else to do. And Im going to work on my course as well. Yay. I love me.On to things that dont make me sad. lol. Jesse. Yay for him. I heart him soo much more than Cream Soda. Oh yes. I got to spend the week with him. Tuesday til Sat. I just couldnt leave lol. I stayed at Michelles and we hung out after school. Even tho he never went. It was fun. I enjoy having him a part of my life. K im lazy, i want to go take pictures, i love liquid eyeliner. Yay for me. Wooottt. Blah.

Sorry, I havn't updated in a while :P

Hey Kids..So what has been happening in the ever so exciting life of Danni-D?Not much, dont worry lol. Heres a breakdown...Matt has a new girlfriend. Im fine with it now.I worked a couple days.I had a seizure, I effing hate them, they make me sad. I missed 6 hours work thanks to Epilepsy. :(I went with Matt to get his tattoo touched up.Nina got her lip pierced. I got a raise :D.. $9.30 now bitches.I dyed my hair red and black, didnt turn out as bright as I wanted but Ill keep doing it until it does.Now I am in Oshawa for four days :D. Just to see Jesse. Im so proud of him, he won 320 at poker last night. GOO JESSE :DK im done Later BItchES

Get Ready Kids, this is gonna be a long one.

Alright, this weekend is definitly one of my favourites. Me and Nina had been planning to go to Jesse's for like a month or something. So we were going to leave on Saturday and take the GO Train/Bus, but Stella came in on Friday and we went to Oshawa with her instead. Saved us 13 bucks or so. :) Made me happy. So we get to Oshawa at like 130 and decide that we probably wouldnt be able to hang out with Jesse at this time so we stayed at Michelles and just went on the computator. Jesse wasnt online so I assumed he was doing something. Turns out he had a couple friends over. Kickass for him. Me and Nina go to bed.We wake up and the retarded kids that we are, we go to the trampoline. Fun at 1030 in the morning. We were on it for about 20 minutes and decided that only crackheads do this, so we continued. 10 minutes later i quit. I went inside and called Jesse's house. "sorry hes still sleeping" Alright, I guess this gives me time to actually get ready. Makeup time, Hair, Clothes. Good to go.About an hour and a half later we call again. "sorry, i dont think hes home" THAT EFFING BASTARD. i thought he ditched us. I woulda been pisssssed. lol. Lucky for us my aunts house is ten minutes from Jesses so me and nina decided wed go to the mall. Gay mall. Five Points. lol. Me and nina walk around the mall and guess who we see. The hottest guy ever, *orgasm* kay it was Jesse lol. With Brandon (a friend of his).He then seen us and we walked towards us, he opens his arms and gives me the best hug ive ever received :). then he hugs nina. Fun times. We kinda just stand there and then we go to the dollar store and have some fun there. Then the sports store (dont remember which one) and finally Zellers. Then Brandon was having a nicotine fit so we go outside and Jesse and him had a fag. lol.We go back to Jesses house and just chill there. Brandon whispers to Jesse: "jesse your friend is hot" Jesse replies: "i know" thats when it started. lol. Brandon flirts with me, sings to everyone, bites jesse, almost dies thanks to nina. Then we go to the "trampampoline" (good name jesse):D FUN.So we kinda fuck around on the trampampoline, Brandon almost dies again. He fell between the trampampolines, they have two big ones. Then me and Jesse kindaj ust lie on the trampampoline together. Fun. "Jesse, i want to kiss you" "then do it" then i kiss him. well i attempt to and then Brandon comes and jumps on the trampoline and me and jesse klonk teeth :D. *lets try that again* So fun. Hes an amazing kisser. lol. And yes i realize that now everyone who reads this will know lol. Sorry amandandandnandam, i didnt want to lie i just wasnt ready to tell anyone lol. :Swe left the trampampolines and go and get pizza and orange juice to mix the vodka. we get back to jesses and brandon calls his mommy and shes pissed, since she hasnt heard from him in like 24 hours. lol. so she makes him go home. "hey, can i have some of the vodka" "sure" the mother fucker took half the bottle. *note: bring more next time*me, nina, and jesse have a couple shots, and some orange juice. nina gets drunk. this is good. trust me. me and jesse basically just laugh at her the whole time lol. she went on about wanting to fuck everyone or something *ahem* whore *ahem. nina falls asleep. me and jesse = fun fun fun. kisses - sex and everything in between :). god hes effing hot. twice. second time nina woke up :O oh boy this could be awkward. meh shes drunk she wont remember it anyways lol. she did. oh well. who effing cares. :)me and jesse go to sleep. i wake up with a fucking panic attack, go figure. "NINA GET MY PILLS." then i start twitching, "nina, i really *twitch* need my pills.. hurry" At this point jesses asking whats wrong, "Fuck off, oh wait not you, GO AWAY. Dont worry jesse not you. Sorry" I take my pills, okay give it a couple minutes, itll kick in, ill be fine.I fall asleep. Jesse falls asleep.His brothers' friend comes in "jesse, are you going to wake up, its 3 oclock" it was only 11. Jesse was pissed because he has trouble sleeping. Poor jesse. Anyways, about an hour later we get up, get ready and go to the mall on a mission to get a nose ring.we come back and jesse pierces my nose. YAY. It looks mother fucking hot bitches. Thank you Jesse *big smile* he lost the ball in the dirt tho, so that makes two of us who lost things. I lost my MAC Electric Eel Eyeshadow. Sad. Oh well, i can buy a new one, hopefully.so we find out that the last GO bus leaves at 1130 pm. k ill take it. one problem, oshawa transit sucks on sunday, the buses stop at like 7. okay. we can walk it. took us an hour, jesse brought his bike so he could ride back. as we are waiting for the bus we meet some crackhead and jesse befriends him. i hug jesse goodbye. danielles sad.so we are on the GO bus and we start falling asleep, nina you have to stay awake, we are gonna miss our stop. we get to scarborough town centre and get off. then we commit a crime and walk around the barriers to the ttc. idiots. we wait for the bus for like ever. and we get home at 130. k im tired, fucking tired. need sleep. go to sleep. that was my weekend. :D great eh? <3JESSE JAMES

ouch.

i now realize that for the past month and a half ive done nothing but lie to myself. they say one day it will hit you. thats happening now. im trying so hard to forget and move on but its effing hard. i want you to be happy and i want to be happy myself, sometimes i am, sometimes im miserable. ill admit that when im lying down in bed its you i think about and when i wake up you are the first person i think about as well. maybe its just because thats all ive done for the past year and a half but just erasing you isnt going to work. call me a bitch or whatever you want but i am angry that you have been able to move on so quickly. you told me we couldnt be together because you didnt want a girlfriend but then you go and start dating. i dont understand. yes im bitching and ranting but thats why i joined this. noone wants to listen to my pathetic cries and me bashing you anymore, therefore i must write everthing in here. i dont blame them its rediculous but then again you are the one seeing someone. I DONT FUCKING GET IT. you left me because you dont want a relationship, if that wasnt the reason then why did you lie to me. why didnt you tell me that you just needed someone new? if that was the case. no, you told me that you just didnt want a relationship and maybe thats why i was okay with it. i felt the difference, i felt that you were cold to me for the last 4 months of our relationship but i never gave up, not once. you did, and therefore you are a jackass in my eyes. i wouldnt sit here and blame you for all of this but i know that you are the reason that we arent together. i would have done anything for you matthew and you know that. do you even care anymore? i think not. oh and it was really smart of you to answer the call for maor while you were on the phone with me. how do you think i felt? ya ya we are just friends, ya i kissed her. ya she calls me. great, then it all started. please dont keep anything from me because i think that i deserve at least that, the truth. if you start going out with her i want to know, i deserve it. ill always be there to support you through everything because thats what love is. ill always love you. and i probably wont ever get over you because you were my everything, i loved you more than i could ever put into workds. deep down i want to believe that you loved me because i trusted you more than anyone but now i just dont know that you loved me as much as you said, because you wouldnt be able to hurt me the way you do. im done. im fucking done.

Being Invisible Has Its Advantages (You Dont See Me Cry)

BEING INVISIBLE HAS ITS ADVANTAGES (YOU DONT SEE ME CRY)can you look back at last yearwhen all your feelings were crystal cleardid you know she would have taken on the world for younow she lives in a world all sad and blueit has now been four weeksno longer strong, shes getting weakdo you hate her for loving too much she hates you for not loving enoughshe cant stand to hear the lies anymoreall the things you told her are now a bluryouve started your magic once againanother girl to start with, feelings beginyou will soon love anothershe has to let you go, she cant be bothereddont act like you still careshe could be standing right in front of you and you wouldnt see her there.

still broken, but im mending

today i did fucking nothing, and my plans for tonight and still fucking nothing. barnett makes me smile. thanks everyone who has listened to me rant, :). its been fun. its really weird i guess because this is the worst part of a break up, watching the person you once loved more than anything be with another girl. on the one side you would wish that it would just end and they would both be miserable. dont worry matts new 'friend' i dont hate you. actually when i met you i liked you, and a bonus is you are pretty hot i guess. lol. so anyways back on topic, i honestly just didnt think that he would be able to move on so fast thats why i was suprised/hurt.its okay though because on the other hand im happy for him, i want him to find happiness and i want him to be able to love again. im not saying that he loves her or anything so please dont assume that but in the end i just want him to be happy.i feel that i am happy right now. the break up was the probably the best and worst thing for me. i knew that our relationship wasnt how it used to be but then i didnt want to just throw all the love i had for him. i guess that him ending it was a pretty hard thing to do because he probably knew that i never would.ill say that it was the worst thing only because i had so much faith in us and our relationship. and i just wanted us to work things out, its okay tho. im fine now. :)

Brand New - Seventy Times 7

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know Like how to deal with despair or someone breakin your heart -Twelve years I've held it all together,but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart.I played it quiet left you deep in conversationI felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen I remember I kept thinkingthat I know you never wouldAnd now I know I want to kill youlike only a best friend couldEveryone's caught on to everything you doEveryone's caught on to..As if it happening wasn't enoughI gotta go and write a songjust to remind myself how bad it sucked.Ignore the sun, covers over my headWrote a message on my pillow that says"Jesse, stay asleep in bed" Don't apologize - I hope you choke and dieSearch your shelf for something which to hang yourselfThey say you need to prayif you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to saywhen your whole life has gone to HellEveryone's caught on to everything you do Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again)Everyone's caught on to..So is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you cna think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshieldIs that what you call tact?You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my backSo let's end this call and end this conversationAnd is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause you left the frays from the ties you severedwhen you say "best friends" means friends foreverIs that what you call a getaway?!?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you can think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshield!(is that what you call a getaway?)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (tell me what you got away with)Everyone's caught on to..(cause ive seen more spine in jellyfish)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and ive seen more guts in 11 year old kids)Everyone's caught on to..(have another drink and drive yourself home)Everyone's caught on to..(i hope theres ice on all the roads)Everyone's caught on to..(and you can think of me, when you forget your seatbelt)Everyone's caught on to..(and again when your head goes through the winshield!)Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..

Brand New - Seventy Times 7

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know Like how to deal with despair or someone breakin your heart -Twelve years I've held it all together,but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart.I played it quiet left you deep in conversationI felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen I remember I kept thinkingthat I know you never wouldAnd now I know I want to kill youlike only a best friend couldEveryone's caught on to everything you doEveryone's caught on to..As if it happening wasn't enoughI gotta go and write a songjust to remind myself how bad it sucked.Ignore the sun, covers over my headWrote a message on my pillow that says"Jesse, stay asleep in bed" Don't apologize - I hope you choke and dieSearch your shelf for something which to hang yourselfThey say you need to prayif you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to saywhen your whole life has gone to HellEveryone's caught on to everything you do Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again)Everyone's caught on to..So is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you cna think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshieldIs that what you call tact?You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my backSo let's end this call and end this conversationAnd is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause you left the frays from the ties you severedwhen you say "best friends" means friends foreverIs that what you call a getaway?!?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you can think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshield!(is that what you call a getaway?)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (tell me what you got away with)Everyone's caught on to..(cause ive seen more spine in jellyfish)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and ive seen more guts in 11 year old kids)Everyone's caught on to..(have another drink and drive yourself home)Everyone's caught on to..(i hope theres ice on all the roads)Everyone's caught on to..(and you can think of me, when you forget your seatbelt)Everyone's caught on to..(and again when your head goes through the winshield!)Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..

it hurts.

okay, im confused.matthew has time for movies.matthew has time for bowling.matthew DOESNT have time to call danielle to see if shes still alive.i dont get it. yes im fucking hurt. i have the god damn right to be. dont tell me that i should move on and go and flirt with guys and go out at 3am and fuck around because i dont want to. dont tell me that he still fucking cares because i know the difference. dont tell me that hes soooo busy and that its not his fault that hes so forgetful, and has erased me from his life. dont tell me how i should feel. im allowed to be hurt. i fucking loved him with all that i have and now it doesnt mean anything. ya fuck that. i wont cry for you because you wouldnt cry for me. yes im over him so please stop telling me that i should move one. just because im not out on dates doesnt mean im sitting at home crying over him. i wish people would just listen to what im saying. people that havent been in a serious relationship and havent been in love before are trying to tell me how to feel. psh. get a fucking life and leave me alone. yes i rant to everyone but if you dont want to hear me just say fuck off. ill listen. im good at that. argh, im sooo angry. i cant even describe how fucked over i feel right now. matthew, if you read this, which you prolly will, know that i AM over you but i also am hurt at the fact that you have time for all your new friends from work but not for me, the person who once meant the world to you. i didnt think that you would have been able to move on so fast but then again i never thought that you would ever dump me either. guess i dont know as much about you as i once thought i did. </3

</3

wow, i have a live journal now. thanks amy, its sooo effing pretty. :Dday was great, until i talked to matt, lol. then well i found out what hes been up to. hes on a date as i speak (type). im pretty sad about it, but brittney said that it was okay. thanks brittney. i just didnt think he would want to go on dates for a while, but then i didnt think that he would ever dump me either. :P ill be fine though. well today wasnt thattttt bad lol. i went to work, yay for me lol. then i came home and talked to tom and jesse. mmm boys are yummy lol. then i got a live journal and now im totally super cool. yep. k well i think im done, i want to see how pretty it is with a post :D :D :D.