Get Ready Kids, this is gonna be a long one.

Alright, this weekend is definitly one of my favourites. Me and Nina had been planning to go to Jesse's for like a month or something. So we were going to leave on Saturday and take the GO Train/Bus, but Stella came in on Friday and we went to Oshawa with her instead. Saved us 13 bucks or so. :) Made me happy. So we get to Oshawa at like 130 and decide that we probably wouldnt be able to hang out with Jesse at this time so we stayed at Michelles and just went on the computator. Jesse wasnt online so I assumed he was doing something. Turns out he had a couple friends over. Kickass for him. Me and Nina go to bed.We wake up and the retarded kids that we are, we go to the trampoline. Fun at 1030 in the morning. We were on it for about 20 minutes and decided that only crackheads do this, so we continued. 10 minutes later i quit. I went inside and called Jesse's house. "sorry hes still sleeping" Alright, I guess this gives me time to actually get ready. Makeup time, Hair, Clothes. Good to go.About an hour and a half later we call again. "sorry, i dont think hes home" THAT EFFING BASTARD. i thought he ditched us. I woulda been pisssssed. lol. Lucky for us my aunts house is ten minutes from Jesses so me and nina decided wed go to the mall. Gay mall. Five Points. lol. Me and nina walk around the mall and guess who we see. The hottest guy ever, *orgasm* kay it was Jesse lol. With Brandon (a friend of his).He then seen us and we walked towards us, he opens his arms and gives me the best hug ive ever received :). then he hugs nina. Fun times. We kinda just stand there and then we go to the dollar store and have some fun there. Then the sports store (dont remember which one) and finally Zellers. Then Brandon was having a nicotine fit so we go outside and Jesse and him had a fag. lol.We go back to Jesses house and just chill there. Brandon whispers to Jesse: "jesse your friend is hot" Jesse replies: "i know" thats when it started. lol. Brandon flirts with me, sings to everyone, bites jesse, almost dies thanks to nina. Then we go to the "trampampoline" (good name jesse):D FUN.So we kinda fuck around on the trampampoline, Brandon almost dies again. He fell between the trampampolines, they have two big ones. Then me and Jesse kindaj ust lie on the trampampoline together. Fun. "Jesse, i want to kiss you" "then do it" then i kiss him. well i attempt to and then Brandon comes and jumps on the trampoline and me and jesse klonk teeth :D. *lets try that again* So fun. Hes an amazing kisser. lol. And yes i realize that now everyone who reads this will know lol. Sorry amandandandnandam, i didnt want to lie i just wasnt ready to tell anyone lol. :Swe left the trampampolines and go and get pizza and orange juice to mix the vodka. we get back to jesses and brandon calls his mommy and shes pissed, since she hasnt heard from him in like 24 hours. lol. so she makes him go home. "hey, can i have some of the vodka" "sure" the mother fucker took half the bottle. *note: bring more next time*me, nina, and jesse have a couple shots, and some orange juice. nina gets drunk. this is good. trust me. me and jesse basically just laugh at her the whole time lol. she went on about wanting to fuck everyone or something *ahem* whore *ahem. nina falls asleep. me and jesse = fun fun fun. kisses - sex and everything in between :). god hes effing hot. twice. second time nina woke up :O oh boy this could be awkward. meh shes drunk she wont remember it anyways lol. she did. oh well. who effing cares. :)me and jesse go to sleep. i wake up with a fucking panic attack, go figure. "NINA GET MY PILLS." then i start twitching, "nina, i really *twitch* need my pills.. hurry" At this point jesses asking whats wrong, "Fuck off, oh wait not you, GO AWAY. Dont worry jesse not you. Sorry" I take my pills, okay give it a couple minutes, itll kick in, ill be fine.I fall asleep. Jesse falls asleep.His brothers' friend comes in "jesse, are you going to wake up, its 3 oclock" it was only 11. Jesse was pissed because he has trouble sleeping. Poor jesse. Anyways, about an hour later we get up, get ready and go to the mall on a mission to get a nose ring.we come back and jesse pierces my nose. YAY. It looks mother fucking hot bitches. Thank you Jesse *big smile* he lost the ball in the dirt tho, so that makes two of us who lost things. I lost my MAC Electric Eel Eyeshadow. Sad. Oh well, i can buy a new one, hopefully.so we find out that the last GO bus leaves at 1130 pm. k ill take it. one problem, oshawa transit sucks on sunday, the buses stop at like 7. okay. we can walk it. took us an hour, jesse brought his bike so he could ride back. as we are waiting for the bus we meet some crackhead and jesse befriends him. i hug jesse goodbye. danielles sad.so we are on the GO bus and we start falling asleep, nina you have to stay awake, we are gonna miss our stop. we get to scarborough town centre and get off. then we commit a crime and walk around the barriers to the ttc. idiots. we wait for the bus for like ever. and we get home at 130. k im tired, fucking tired. need sleep. go to sleep. that was my weekend. :D great eh? <3JESSE JAMES

ouch.

i now realize that for the past month and a half ive done nothing but lie to myself. they say one day it will hit you. thats happening now. im trying so hard to forget and move on but its effing hard. i want you to be happy and i want to be happy myself, sometimes i am, sometimes im miserable. ill admit that when im lying down in bed its you i think about and when i wake up you are the first person i think about as well. maybe its just because thats all ive done for the past year and a half but just erasing you isnt going to work. call me a bitch or whatever you want but i am angry that you have been able to move on so quickly. you told me we couldnt be together because you didnt want a girlfriend but then you go and start dating. i dont understand. yes im bitching and ranting but thats why i joined this. noone wants to listen to my pathetic cries and me bashing you anymore, therefore i must write everthing in here. i dont blame them its rediculous but then again you are the one seeing someone. I DONT FUCKING GET IT. you left me because you dont want a relationship, if that wasnt the reason then why did you lie to me. why didnt you tell me that you just needed someone new? if that was the case. no, you told me that you just didnt want a relationship and maybe thats why i was okay with it. i felt the difference, i felt that you were cold to me for the last 4 months of our relationship but i never gave up, not once. you did, and therefore you are a jackass in my eyes. i wouldnt sit here and blame you for all of this but i know that you are the reason that we arent together. i would have done anything for you matthew and you know that. do you even care anymore? i think not. oh and it was really smart of you to answer the call for maor while you were on the phone with me. how do you think i felt? ya ya we are just friends, ya i kissed her. ya she calls me. great, then it all started. please dont keep anything from me because i think that i deserve at least that, the truth. if you start going out with her i want to know, i deserve it. ill always be there to support you through everything because thats what love is. ill always love you. and i probably wont ever get over you because you were my everything, i loved you more than i could ever put into workds. deep down i want to believe that you loved me because i trusted you more than anyone but now i just dont know that you loved me as much as you said, because you wouldnt be able to hurt me the way you do. im done. im fucking done.

Being Invisible Has Its Advantages (You Dont See Me Cry)

BEING INVISIBLE HAS ITS ADVANTAGES (YOU DONT SEE ME CRY)can you look back at last yearwhen all your feelings were crystal cleardid you know she would have taken on the world for younow she lives in a world all sad and blueit has now been four weeksno longer strong, shes getting weakdo you hate her for loving too much she hates you for not loving enoughshe cant stand to hear the lies anymoreall the things you told her are now a bluryouve started your magic once againanother girl to start with, feelings beginyou will soon love anothershe has to let you go, she cant be bothereddont act like you still careshe could be standing right in front of you and you wouldnt see her there.

still broken, but im mending

today i did fucking nothing, and my plans for tonight and still fucking nothing. barnett makes me smile. thanks everyone who has listened to me rant, :). its been fun. its really weird i guess because this is the worst part of a break up, watching the person you once loved more than anything be with another girl. on the one side you would wish that it would just end and they would both be miserable. dont worry matts new 'friend' i dont hate you. actually when i met you i liked you, and a bonus is you are pretty hot i guess. lol. so anyways back on topic, i honestly just didnt think that he would be able to move on so fast thats why i was suprised/hurt.its okay though because on the other hand im happy for him, i want him to find happiness and i want him to be able to love again. im not saying that he loves her or anything so please dont assume that but in the end i just want him to be happy.i feel that i am happy right now. the break up was the probably the best and worst thing for me. i knew that our relationship wasnt how it used to be but then i didnt want to just throw all the love i had for him. i guess that him ending it was a pretty hard thing to do because he probably knew that i never would.ill say that it was the worst thing only because i had so much faith in us and our relationship. and i just wanted us to work things out, its okay tho. im fine now. :)

Brand New - Seventy Times 7

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know Like how to deal with despair or someone breakin your heart -Twelve years I've held it all together,but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart.I played it quiet left you deep in conversationI felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen I remember I kept thinkingthat I know you never wouldAnd now I know I want to kill youlike only a best friend couldEveryone's caught on to everything you doEveryone's caught on to..As if it happening wasn't enoughI gotta go and write a songjust to remind myself how bad it sucked.Ignore the sun, covers over my headWrote a message on my pillow that says"Jesse, stay asleep in bed" Don't apologize - I hope you choke and dieSearch your shelf for something which to hang yourselfThey say you need to prayif you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to saywhen your whole life has gone to HellEveryone's caught on to everything you do Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again)Everyone's caught on to..So is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you cna think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshieldIs that what you call tact?You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my backSo let's end this call and end this conversationAnd is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause you left the frays from the ties you severedwhen you say "best friends" means friends foreverIs that what you call a getaway?!?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you can think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshield!(is that what you call a getaway?)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (tell me what you got away with)Everyone's caught on to..(cause ive seen more spine in jellyfish)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and ive seen more guts in 11 year old kids)Everyone's caught on to..(have another drink and drive yourself home)Everyone's caught on to..(i hope theres ice on all the roads)Everyone's caught on to..(and you can think of me, when you forget your seatbelt)Everyone's caught on to..(and again when your head goes through the winshield!)Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..

Brand New - Seventy Times 7

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know Like how to deal with despair or someone breakin your heart -Twelve years I've held it all together,but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart.I played it quiet left you deep in conversationI felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen I remember I kept thinkingthat I know you never wouldAnd now I know I want to kill youlike only a best friend couldEveryone's caught on to everything you doEveryone's caught on to..As if it happening wasn't enoughI gotta go and write a songjust to remind myself how bad it sucked.Ignore the sun, covers over my headWrote a message on my pillow that says"Jesse, stay asleep in bed" Don't apologize - I hope you choke and dieSearch your shelf for something which to hang yourselfThey say you need to prayif you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to saywhen your whole life has gone to HellEveryone's caught on to everything you do Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again)Everyone's caught on to..So is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you cna think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshieldIs that what you call tact?You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my backSo let's end this call and end this conversationAnd is that what you call a getaway?Tell me what you got away withCause you left the frays from the ties you severedwhen you say "best friends" means friends foreverIs that what you call a getaway?!?Tell me what you got away withCause I've seen more spine in jellyfishI've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kidsHave another drink and drive yourself homeI hope there's ice on all the roadsAnd you can think of me when you forget your seatbeltand again when your head goes through the windshield!(is that what you call a getaway?)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (tell me what you got away with)Everyone's caught on to..(cause ive seen more spine in jellyfish)Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and ive seen more guts in 11 year old kids)Everyone's caught on to..(have another drink and drive yourself home)Everyone's caught on to..(i hope theres ice on all the roads)Everyone's caught on to..(and you can think of me, when you forget your seatbelt)Everyone's caught on to..(and again when your head goes through the winshield!)Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..(I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to everything you do (and I can't let you let me down again) Everyone's caught on to..